All thoughts mine unless otherwise stated. Many are labelled "Anon", whom I used to think was just another prolific writer.
The purpose of the formal education system / college / mathematics / programming / abstract thinking is not to teach you how to think outside the box. It is to teach you how to make a bigger box to think in.
What is a flying color? I didn't know colors did anything but run.
I have a built-in compass, which points in random directions.
There's a time for everything, and that time is tomorrow. - The Procrastinator's Pledge
My parents treated me like a god - everything that happened was my fault.
First axiom of grad school: Lectures will proceed at the speed of the fastest student.
Second axiom of grad school: The fastest student in class will not be you.
Why do washing machines remind me of apartheid? It's the instructions to wash whites separately.
If you have constipation, you are full of shit.
Be cruel. Name your baby Lassie.
Cats believe firmly in the saying "Ask not and ye shall receive not." - anon
(after a heated discussion) Come, let us go talk about the weather.
He doesnt have idiosyncrasies, he has idiotsyncrasies.
(After a bad storm)... People in the little town of X were brought down to earth today; at least their roofs were.
"...hindsight is a perfect science and life isn't." - Gary Kirsten
Hagar the horrible: How can you listen to all those hard luck stories every night and not get depressed?
Barman: That's a shame! But don't worry, things will get better.
You are a god. I am dyslexic.
"Do it!"
"If you'd just add the magic word..."
"Alright. Do it NOW!"
I wouldn't want to risk increasing my topological genus by walking around Johannesburg.
I am a vegetarian between meals.
One very pertinent fact about travelling faster than light - "Ouch!" - is that it's very dark and you can't see where you're going. -- Tom Holt, in Paint your Dragon
Thou art like parsley, forever found in soup.
People with visions should see a doctor. -- Helmut Schmidt, ex-German chancellor
Minds may get emptier with age, but not necessarily cleaner.
Most guys are like public toilets - vacant, engaged or full of shit. -- Amy Mandeville
When I was young I used to wonder why rockets to the moon were launched during the day when the moon was only around at night. Then I realized they needed time to get there, so they would get to the moon at night.
I am so relieved I have a mental problem. I thought there was something wrong with me.
Alright, we'll share the housework. I'll wash the dishes the first thing in the morning and you wash the dishes the last thing at night.
I was explaining, not too well, to a friend the concept of a separable space. "You pick a set of points from the space so that they are arbitarily dense at every point." "Oh," he replied, "kinda like the House of Representatives?"
This math book is very readable. You can even read it in bed, and I don't mean as an insomnia cure.
"I can't come to the meeting, boss."
"Why not?"
"I didn't complete my share of the project."
"Oh, do come. I haven't prepared for it either, so I need to yell at someone for an hour."
"I love God but hate the paperwork." - a kid in the TV series "Nothing Sacred" commenting on catechism class
He hadn't felt this unsafe since that time he'd walked into a public bathroom and found no urinals but the entire cast of the college women's rugby team staring at him.
We must all bear something. Grudges will do for me.
Don't give a kid a play to read till he's seen one acted out.
Bad things: finding in the middle of a long-overdue shave that your razor is blunt and there isn't another in the house.
When Mom speaks, you will listen. This is called the Law of Conversation of Ma's.
Proof by invection: If you can't understand this, you are very, very stupid.
Oh excellent. I'm feeling homesick. Perhaps now I'll figure out where home is.
You have a deep and profound sense of humor that I do not find at all funny.
If there were any doubts about the author having burnt out before the writing of his new book, they are cleared now. He HAS burnt out.
Suicide is not the last resort, that phrase is reserved for Majorca.
What does the NASDAQ have in common with strip clubs? Plenty of silicon investments.
If at first you don't succeed, change the definition of success. - original, but not uniquely original.
I'm a non-practising atheist.
The first thought I had when I saw the Abba album "The Singles" was 'Wait a minute, aren't these guys all married?' I must have been four or five at the time.
True story: As a joke, two boys brought a creature to Charles Darwin for him to identify. They had carefully fashioned it out of parts of different insects and bugs. He asked them one question: "Did it hum?" "Er, yes" they replied. "Then it's a humbug" said Charles.
I hate cars with gears. I can't clutch the concept.
Another bad pun: Did you hear about the Pharaoh after the coup? He was in de Nial..
Most food nowadays contains more preservatives than Tutankhamen.
He gave a dazzling talk - reminescent of the oncoming headlamps of a truck with a drunk driver.
Words you would not want to hear Beria (head of Stalin's KGB) say: Welcome! I've heard so much about you!"
Britney can't sing for her supper, unless she can digest lead.
The following conversation really occurred between a couple of my pals...
Amion: I stopped playing rugby when I realised my eyesight was getting worse.
Bill: So all those scintillating swervy runs we saw you making on the field was really you trying to find a straight line to the goalposts?
Polite society is about as open as Fort Knox.
Another MCP one - Spouses can be no Ps and all Qs. (no peace and all questions.)
By running fast enough, you can leave thinking behind.
Suicide is the last thing I'll ever do!
I'm going to compromise so I may as well compromise all the way.
You know you're drunk when you say "F**k the shut up." -- anon
It's been a long time since I made a decision that still made sense after some sleep.
Jon: What's your philosophy of life, Garfield?
Garfield: All the world's a cookie jar and all the men and women merely crumbs.
Jon: And how do you feel about yourself?
Garfield: I happen to be one of the chocolate chips.
Nice book, but never in the field of human literature have so many characters read so much meaning into so few wrist flicks and lip curls.
"My dad lost both legs in the war."
"Pity he didn't lose all three."
Every time I hear someone say "The future of a nation is in its youth", I roll my eyes at the tautology.
Wendy Cope running = poetry in motion.
Sometimes the biggest risk with proposing is that the answer will be yes.
Ah, the pleasure of finding coffee in a forgotten cup. (Postscript: I can't believe I wrote this down once.)
When Moses was born, a Bible writer turned up at the door and asked his mom what Moses meant. He then returned to his office, and wrote: "The child was called Moses, which means 'Piss off'". Fortunately, this edition was corrected before it went to press.
Tom Peters Guide to Making $$: Write books aimed at the suckers' market.
Your kids will remember and even repeat your words - and I do mean the ones you want them to remember - but only when you're not in sight.
"Have you finished your thesis yet?"
"George, has the phrase Go Become a Standup Comic hold any meaning for you?"
How does one throw caution, and can the wind really catch it?
Was Generation Y given that name because it questioned everything?
This photograph doesn't resemble you. Looks like one of them passport pictures.
Christmas: that time of year when you talk idly of things you need but dont need enough to buy for yourself.
Someone remarked to me once that the reason why Indians love stainless steel is that they can't stand china. (I suppose I ought say the real reason - and yes I know the pun's great - is that china can't stand being dropped.)
They have been in that room far too long to be still discussing their stamp collections.
He who is conceived in a cage yearns for the cage. -- Yevgeny Yevtushenko
Normalcy is such a rare feeling.
I looked after a Russian friend's cat for a couple of weeks. He didn't tell me its name so I called it Asshole. Feeling this was not appropriate, I soon changed this to Assholeski.
One of those swarthy Arnold types you hesitate to go to bed with for fear of GBH. (Note: police abbrev for Grevious Bodily Harm.)
I believe in eugenics, so no kids for me.
It's a short step from slog to slug.
Front of card: There's nothing like a good friend.
Inside of card: And you're nothing like a good friend.
I'm such a reflective guy they call me Albert Bideaux.
You become American when you can throw a loaf of bread away because it's a day old.
A sign I saw in Harare once, on some gate: Forget the Dog! Beware of Owner!
Lord grant me patience NOW!!
It was the first time Mother saw Daddy fight. (In fact, there wasn't ever much fighting to it, at least that I ever saw. Daddy hit people and they fell down. End of fight.) -- Mary Karr, Liar's Club
Be what you are, and don't try to be what you already are.
This research was sponsored by, but may not neccessarily constitute the opinion of,... -- I've seen this on at least one research paper.
After 40, a mathematician plays outfield (i.e. is out of contention of Fields' medals. Note: these are the math world's equivalent of the Nobel Prize, but have a further restriction in that they are only awarded to mathematicians at most fourty. Alright, forty. Come to think of it, is it <40 or <=40?)
He gave him advice of an intimate nature, namely to go F*** himself. -- some book, although I think the second clause was meant to be inferred from context.
In autocracies people exorcise their right to vote.
Once aliens passed over earth and left a light on. It was seen by a Hebrew shepherd named Moses, who figured it was a burning bush... the rest is history.
With the world being what it is, I love my children too much to let them exist.
I hate being full. It means I can't eat any more.
I have all the marks of genius (absent-mindedness, messy workspace, etc) except genius.
Newton was wrong about gravity. The earth sucks. - anon, grafitti probably
Being drunk - not enough blood in your alcohol. - common Zimbabwean phrase
The two major food groups - frozen and takeout. - anon
Her cooking is so bad we pray after the meal -- anon.
I like women with balls, metaphorically speaking. -- some book.
The key a-ha! having been accomplished, the rest of the proof is technical. (Usually found in math books with some mumbling about an exercise for the reader.)
I hate Porsches. What use is a car with no back seat for f**k's sake?
(from a UK sitcom. The scene is just after a taxi ride. The customer is getting out of the car.)
Taxi-driver: What about a tip then?
Customer: Red Rum in the Grand National.
The child thought the world should be a marvellous place and all those apalling old dons were pouring their withering scorn on her just because it wasn't marvellous for them any more. -- Douglas Adams, Dirk Gently's Agency
The very long pause with the British telephone system allows you within which to gather your thoughts and forget who it is you're phoning. -- Adams, as above.
The Grand Prix driver ran a one-stop race. He crashed into a wall on lap 43.
Never meet a famous person in person. You'll be disappointed.
My body has no shortage of curves. However, they go the wrong way.
"I eat this revolting oatmeal every day. It's supposed to make you lose weight. It certainly goes right through you." - Neil Tennant
I was doing a questionnaire. One question was "Do you usually make your mind up quickly." I just sat there wondering what the answer was.
Don't f**king swear. -- Blessing Dziwa, a Zimbabwean doctor.
The bodies were beyond unimaginative recognition.
"Don't gossip about X and Y screwing."
"I'm not gossiping. I'm stating facts. Would you like documentary evidence?"
"No, I hate seeing what happens when hippopotami collide."
If I were me, which I am, I would.... (in the Disney cartoons, Winnie the Pooh has a common phrase "such-and-such will happen, or my name isn't Winnie the Pooh. Which it is.")
Soap operas are called such because they're clean. Actually, they're more than that, they're bloody sterile.
(Egyptian Pharaoh) Thutmose was one of the earliest exponents of internationalisation , or going into other countries and slaughtering the inhabitants. - Will Cuppy
Then there was that destitute guy who moved to America because trashcans had better pickings there.
Skydivers are perfect. I have yet to meet one who made a mistake.
In America the pressure to publish is very high. Last week a psychology professor commited suicide to write a paper on the experience. (No, this isn't true.)
He spends a lot of time on his books. Sleeping.
A few years ago a new 100 florint coin was introduced in Hungary. It had two colors and was promptly named by the public after their 'beloved' president. (I need to check with my local Magyars about this.)
You won't survive the rat race if you're a mouse.
The problem with quotations is their sheer variety. In other words, whatever you want to say, you can find a quote for it. So what use are they? This: sometimes you find words that others have written that express thoughts. Your thoughts, that you could not pin down before. Often thoughts that you hadn't thought of pinning down before.
"I reached the quarterfinals!"
"I bet there were only eight contestants."
"Actually, five."
Were you born an idiot or do you take lessons?
An old friend in Zim would tell me "Please don't" whenever I said "Shit!"
The reason for the Mona Lisa's enigmatic smile: "Oh, I see Leo forgot to close his fly again..."
I found it strange finding packets of "real chocolates" in America. Real? You mean there are unreal chocolates? Unreal as in artificial? Artificial as in man-made? Isn't chocolate always man-made?
A couple of years ago, math students at the U of Chicago did a skit where Keanu Reeves held a chalk-bomb. He had to keep writing a proof on the blackboard... it would blow up if it failed...
What I know about the world can be written on a postage stamp. With a marker.
In mathematics, a remark is an obvious fact that the author doesn't know how to prove.
For many first worlders, geography is learnt while looking on labels in a clothing store.
This is rude, but blame Tiri Chinyoka for that. Guess the euphemism. "It's not the landlady's fault that you cannot furnish the room she gives you."
"She's going to give me a present. A kilo of lit semtex no doubt."
I wish I could say I've heard so much about you BUT I haven't.
My traditional response to "I've heard so much about you" is "uh-oh".
If I had a million bucks for everything I did right, I'd still be broke.
What to say when people give advice: "I'll remember that." It makes them feel they havent wasted their time, and doesn't commit you to anything. And you will keep it in mind, won't you?
It's not really a case of no hard feelings. It's a case of no feelings.
I'm an Anglo. Not AngloIndian or English, but Anglo. I'm only comfortable in the English speaking world.
Two angles talking.
"I'm so obtuse!"
"Actually, I think you're a cute angle."
"That's a reflex answer, right?" (yeah yeah, this should be taken out and shot.)
Sorry if I look dazed and out of this world - I've met reality too many times recently.
New anti-optimism drug: Feeling up? Raring to go? Fix that! One whiff of this and you'll be bed-ridden for days!
Lawyer's last words, pun on You'll Pay For This: "I'll bill you for this!"
Next time I pick up the telephone, when I hear "Hello, is that Dinoj?" I'll reply "Wait a minute, let me check my passport . yes that is my name..."
Her grandparents were too late to come to the wedding.
Television is di/estressing.
While visiting India as a kid, I stepped into yellow stuff in front of a house. "Don't do that!" my sister cried. "Why?" I asked bemusedly. "Quite frankly," she replied "it's bullshit." (Background: in some more traditional Hindu houses, women decorate the ground before their house with fancy designs, using cow dung as crayons)
Trucks, autorickshaws and taxis in India are pretty important to their owners. They even have names. Or abbreviations thereof. Some, like A.S.S., make you wonder.
Private Indian Medical Fees routinely take in less qualified students with rich and desperate parents. They are charged "Capitation fees". When I heard what these could be, I wondered why they didn't precede the word by a "de-".
He reminds me of a chemical element - boron.
On the establishment - where there is life, there is also sessile life. (Alt: There is a lot of life in the sea, mostly sessile.)
"Hello, Jane speaking!"
"Yes, I noticed that."
Physicists can be as thick as a planck. (A compliment if taken literally, since a planck is very very small.)
He lived in what was probably a barely converted pigsty.
He doesn't have a chip on his shoulder. He's balancing a whole bloody forest! -- one of Nigel Rees' collections of quotes
Can you stand your date up if you can't stand him?
My first wife took a lot from me -- my TV, my armchair set,... -- anon, some boxer said something quite similar about all his ex-wives being good housekeepers.
This book does not stink of genius like his other books but it's still worth a look.
The Klatch are a very get-up-and-go people. They'd get-up-and-go-and-kill-you without a second thought. -- on Terry Pratchett's characters. The quote may even be in one of TP's books.
You, my dear sir, are a rat.
A rat that would make all
Self-respecting rats renounce
Their citizenship of the species. -
"I want two pieces of cake!" yelled my niece. I cut the piece in two.
"Have you any dietary restrictions?"
"Yes. I don't eat iguana."
"He's very cultivated, kinda like a field of potatoes."
It's easier to dream than to work for dreams.
Words? Why, he could almost make them talk. -- Roger McGough, on some other poet.
To sleaze. I sleaze. You sleaze. We all have sleazen.
My nose bleeds if you don't talk nicely to it.
Pentshack - Penthouse in Soweto.
"You should have seen the people in that room! There was so much hair spray they probably had to file an Environmental Impact Report before they could hold the party!" -- anon
Another useless thing to do: sorting coins in alphabetical order.
Someone described the pendulum swinging back towards order in the new generation... "We're 50 year old libertines in a world of 20 year old Calvinists." -- some report in Newsweek I think.
Christmas is a conspiracy to make single people feel lonely. -- Amistead Maupin, Tales of the City
I get so sick of the We People. They never say I. They say "We're going to Hawaii after Christmas" or "We're taking the dog to get his shots." They wallow in the first person plural because they remember how shitty it was to be a first person singular. -- again, Maupin.
(The scene: two cops find a mutilated body. After some silence and sicking up, they find their voices.)
Cop 1: Who did this?
Cop 2: Jesus Christ!
Cop 1: No, not him, you dufus.
Things to ask at parlor parties:
Math texts should use the abbreviation EFTS more often. It means Exercise For The Student.
Proof by indocrination: Repeat after me "This statement is true" 300 times.
The meeting produced more heat than light. - anon
Gravity tapped Daffy Duck on the shoulder with all the meekness of a little priest reminding a serial killer about the fact that he hasn't seen him in mass for a while. - adapted from a line by Tom Holt, I think.
My feelings for her are purely homicidal. (can't remember where these three above come from.)
He didn't so much forget the theorem as have his thoughts miss it by a couple of light years.
I would love to help you out. Which way did you come in? - Garfield
The sooner we make a schedule the sooner we can get behind. - Garfield
Just because you're persecuted doesn't mean you're correct.
About as long as a Jehovah's Witness' "two minutes".
Mathematics keeps you thinking about God. You wonder where he is.
W.l.o.g. = Without losing the general public
Always suspect you're wrong. Either way you'll be right.
We broke up since we spent more time at each other's throats than each other's lips.
Henry: Anne, could you lend me a hand?
Boleyn: Sorry, I only have two spare fingers.
I don't see the point of burying as opposed to cremation. It's not like the body's going to stay in one piece either way. (True story: one guy asked that his ashes be dished out at sea. His wife had always said she'd dance on his grave.)
I'd kill myself to avoid death.
Mothers, after their little girls get married, sometimes find it hard to believe that they're not so little 9 months later.
I expect to see you at my funeral.
Prof: What can I say that will put this class in a get-up-and-go mood?
Student: class dismissed? - old Reader's Digest joke
"Now, listen class, I'm going to tell you some things you don't have to study for this calculus exam. Firstly, history. You don't need to study history. Second, classical 15th century Portuguese literature. Thirdly, ..."
Prof: Are you with me?
Student: Absolutely. Where we are though, that I'm not sure about.
Even if you don't give a shit, you'll probably get some.
I'm heartless - it got stolen.
(true.) Teacher in inner school: We've done so many pilot programs we should be getting frequent flyer miles.
I now leave my keys in the door. This hasn't reduced the amount of time I spend searching for them when I want to go out.
There have been instances of guys faking their own death to see who'd come to their funeral.
That disorienting feeling you get on leaving a cinema hall after a film.
Twit: semi qualified nitwit
I met a classmate once hunting for a physics preprint. I asked him what exactly he was looking for. "Anything with a horrible name" he replied, "Since I want to impress this girl I'm meeting over coffee."
You want to be a hunk? A hunk of what? Tuna? That sounds fishy to me.
A polite insult: Go to heaven!
Another polite insult: Which part of hell would you like to go to?
Rich bakers don't need/knead their own dough.
Friend: My kids will get my genes.
Me: I'm sure your jeans will be too big for them.
His sermon truly caused me to thank God. When it finished.
Shouting "Shiva" or "Brahma" in Hinduism has a similar meaning as n! in math. It calls Shiva or Brahma and all the gods below them. -- adapted from a popular Indian joke.
All my excitement ceased when I saw my sister's baby. Dunno what I was expecting but it looked like a baby to me.
My job: The hours are good. It's the minutes that kill me. - anon.
(True.)Reporter: In the seven years since you bought McLaren what do you remember most?
McLaren founder (I think): I don't remember buying McLaren.
Current affairs are often more alternating than direct.
What about a nice fairy tale about two gay princes? Or Romeo and Julian?
This book raises an important question: How did it ever get a Pullitzer Prize?
"Euraka!"
"No I don't wreck her."
The best bit of advertising I saw was on one for a second hand computer in Johannesburg: "Owner sad to sell."
A hate card. The picture is one of hell, with volcanoes erupting and all that. The motif is "Wish you were here." Alternatively the pic could be one of the planet Mars, or even Earth.
Many things look interesting until you do them.
The brains of a stunned herring. (Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures, p144)
Gaspode in the above book is an actor's agent. He's a son of a bitch, like most other dogs are.
Is it easier to make cryptic crosswords in English than, say, in French or German?
Gentlemen, the lunchbox has landed. -- the only phrase I can remember from the Full Monty. I like the back-of-the-ass scene that comes with it, too.
There's a piano piece with four minutes of silence. When the pianist is introduced a priori, the MC must remember to say that he'd going to PERFORM it, not PLAY it.
How could 'unisex' possibly mean 'for both sexes'?
I wonder why there isn't yet a rock group with the name Cholesterol Free.
Those who are available and looking should wear bright pink T-shirts. This would save a lot of people a lot of time.
Can you write a funny math book without being patronizing? -- Edgar Palmer.
To avoid the carrot and stick I went for the rope and chair.
I missed the last half of the film due to necking. That's the last time I sit behind a romantically inclined couple.
Amazing how so many cartoons show characters that concentrate with their tongues sticking out from the sides of their mouths. I tried it and it's horrid and wet. Concentration is certainly required to keep your mind off from the thought of how disgusting it is or how silly it looks.
I am tired of Feel Good films. There's a limit to how good you can feel without feeling bad.
My mind is desperately trying to keep up with my tongue.
Friends, family and fence-sitters,...
A toast to the greatest thing in the universe. When I find out what it is, I'll let you know.
The logic of many solutions is that the same as that used when donning a fireproof suit that mkes its wearer more vulnerable to UV radiation - the solution causes other problems, which we can ignore for now.
MLTR is a pop group. Officially it means Michael Learns to Rock. Actually, it means Manufactured Like the Rest.
The difference between pop and dance music is that in the former you have to think - at least enough to make you think you're thinking - while in the latter thinking is discouraged.
The man with a toothache thinks that everyone with sound teeth is happy.
Remember the last little piggy who went wee wee wee all the way home? He was pissed off with the other four.
The Marx brothers were great comedians, espeially Karl. Look at Eastern Europe to see what happens when you take comedians seriously.
The secret to being a bore is to tell everything. - Voltaire (Alas, this knowledge hasn't stopped me.)
Some books are to be tasted, others to be swallowed, and some few to be chewed and digested. - Francis Bacon
Live together like brothers and do business like strangers. - Arab proverb
Whatever answer I give will cause peope to take stands, and I want them sitting down.
Michael Palin on some Jap city: where everything is on the move except the traffic.
"My name is Bob but you can call me what you like."
"How about Worm?"
"It's always nice to meet someone of the same species."
If I ever have a pet it will be a tortoise. Roasted.
You only need to be broken once to change your life. You'll try not to let it happen again, as it hurts.
It baffles me how people can suffer so much and still bring a child into the world.
I left my heart in San Francisco - fortunately, I had a spare.
I'm not old enough to appreciate children's badly-done works.
It's hard to tell when you're deeply immersed in something. I suspect only an outsider can tell you this. After all, a fish living at the bottom of the ocean doesn't think of itself as different.
The value of this lemma is in making mountains from molehills.
An argument isn't meant to be won, but to convey ideas. -- anon
I hate John Grisham. Every year he releases a new book and every year I can't do any work until I finish it.
The four steps of yuppiehood: Loneliness, Enjoying Self-Pity, Getting Busier, Having Your Feelings Catch Up With You
An old woman never let her dinner guests wash the dishes afterwards. Everyone thought she was just being nice, till they heard her real reason: "I'm going to eat off these afterwards and I want them washed right."
(On a UTNE discussion group)
A: I can't stand her... she does this and that and... but I guess it's the thought that counts.
B: Then tell her to start thinking.
SAN = Systematic Abuse of Notation
What is this crap he's pouring down my throat with such success?
If I was in my position, what would I do?
If I were me, which I am, then I would...
A book is no book at all unless, when we come to the last page, it goes on and on within us.-- P.L.Travers
The potter, molding the receptive clay, is himself being molded. -- Travers
Bill and Hill liked a certain area of England very much, which is how Chelsea got her name. Arthur Ashe's wife liked photography, and so their daughter's called Camera. And they're pretty mild cases... pity the guy in Zimbabwe called Typewriter ...
Everyone starts from scratch. One of the people I admire most in the world is a farmer's wife who I wish was my mom. And yet she was a silly girl once - after her marriage, her husband once asked her to make mint tea. She did so, using mint and water and NO tea.
Sometimes I say the right thing. I was at a friend's house when their young daughter woke me up in the morning with wondrous piano sounds. As I staggered out of my room to head for a shower, she stopped with a shock and asked if she'd woken me up. "I wish I could be woken up like that every day" I replied. Now remind me to say things like that more often.
Isn't this proof cute or what? What do you mean, what?
I was working well past midnight when I made the extraordinary discovery that jelly goes well with coffee.
Graphlet. noun. A graph with less than ten vertices. For example, "This statement is true for graphlets."
Ah, the joys of modern food! I am so full of sodium that one dip in a swimming pool will undoubtedly turn me into a pillar of salt.
Nothing boosts your confidence so much as seeing a smart guy having to think, even if what he's thinking about is much harder than what you think he's thinking about.
What I love about America is the freedom to ask stupid questions.
Pickup line #135: I've had a long week. Will you help me have a long night?
Target: Sure. I'll let you keep hunting.
My fav animal is the hippo : Slow, lumbering, and deadly in its element.
I liked Ike. I like Dyke.
It looks more correct if it looks nice. That's the beauty of LaTeX.
Pickup Line #215: Give me some advice here. Should I ask you out?
The words every joke-teller fears to hear at the end: "And then what?"
Someone (C.V.Raman perhaps?) commenting on red tapism in India in the 60s: all you need for success in India is a Gandhi cap over your head and nothing under it.
(on nepotism) Blood may be thicker than water, but who said thicker is always better?
Racism ends when race becomes a label and not a judgement.
Unsaid knowledge isn't too useful. That's why people publish.
The purpose of chicory in instant coffee is to make you feel you've had a meal after a cup.
Avoiding making mistakes is a bigger mistake.
There are only a finite number of sensible wrong answers to this problem. I'm trying to run through them all.
"Excuse me", said Peter, his voice returning after a lengthy sojourn in Tahiti,...
I know a really smart guy who organised a fab birthday party for his 21st, and then forgot the invitations.
The mathematics department probably has the highest density of non-drivers in a ten kilometer radius.
A pleasant melody kept my attention for a minute as I waited to be put off hold. The minute was repeated endlessly...
In the last two weeks I've met four nice people who got married in the last year. I've also learnt that the American custom is to say "Congratulations!" even if what you're really thinking is "Oh, shoot!"
When you wash down four coffee cups worth of caffeine tablets with a fifth cup, you stop wondering wondering if you're ok and begin hunting in the yellow pages for a good shrink.
I discovered the hard way - on a long car ride with an unsympathetic driver - that cappucino is a diuretic.
Americans believe that a hundred meters is longer than a hundred miles. (The original phrase was that Americans thought a hundred years was a long time while Europeans thought a hundred miles was a long distance.)
Instant noodles can be made in cappucino. (True. Just as powdered chicken soup can be mixed in instant coffee.)
Do I understand what's going on? You know the saying about not seeing the woods for the trees? Well at the moment I'm still staring blankly at the bloody roots.
What a shituation!
In this way the good alchemist lived on queitly and comfortably, to what is called a good old age, that is to say, an age that is good for nothing... - Washington Irving, Student of Salamanca
I watched the morning cleaner assiduously blow leaves all over the place.
The only thing preventing me from wanting to go home is that I don't have one.
The world turned me into a whore. I shall turn it into a brothel. -- Friedrich Durrenmet, The Visit
What did I do over the weekend? Lost a few ideals, made a few decisions.
Ideals are hazardous to health.
Swiss banks can't spell principle. They keep changing the last two letters to -al. (yeah, yeah, low blow.)
Why do I only talk to pretty people? I'm not discriminatory - my hormones are.
My reasoning doesn't have to be logical. It just has to be right. - Reese-Stevens, in Federation
Americans have a guiding principle: Get it.
"Man cannot live on bread alone." Jesus said nothing about beer.
With the correlation between obesity and cardiac illness looking higher than ever, the phrase "eating your heart out" is beginning to take a more literal meaning. - some newspaper/mag article.
Verin told her reassuringly "I promise you, this is safe enough to use on an infant." Of course that depended on what you did with [the infant] - Robert Jordan, Path of Daggers
It's one of those things men are for, taking the blame. They usually deserve it, even if you don't know exactly how - Governess Lini, in another Jordan book.
Quite often, when a woman was agitated, she tried to soothe others, whether they needed soothing or not. - again, Jordan. Sense a pattern here? I would call this overstereotyping, and doubt it crosses cultures even if present in Jordan's culture.
There's something to be said for jogging 50 miles a week - ouch.
Isomorphism is used to describe things that look and behave in the same way, but are different. Like muscle-bound drug-addicted wrestlers.
Measure of progress in society: density of functioning interrelationships.
Sea captains sailed by the stars. So did starship captains The difference was that the latter waved to the stars as they went past. -- Peter David, Vendetta (Star Trek TNG)
Customer: Your prices are too high.
Trader: Nonsense. You don't get paid enough. (I dreamt that one, and remembered it afterwards!)
Why are normal people so hard to find?
Get rid of stress at the gym. Replace it with pain and fatigue.
A boy who knew when to keep out of the way showed unusual promise. -- ACClarke, Fountains of Paradise
One can imagine the apostle Paul sitting uncomfortably in some conventional parlor, staring penetratingly at his hostess while trying to find some meaning in her enquiry as to whether he took one lump or two. - some religious book
A very common mistake we make is confusing knowledge of the name of something with knowledge of the something itself.
Time to coredump my thoughts = let me tell you all i know.
Damn! My brain's segfaulted again!
My cerebrum refuses to compile...
My Recall procedure refuses to return a pointer to that information.
If you tell me anything more I'm going to have start using virtual memory.
"full of the sour milk of human kindness"
What would I say if someone told me that I was a weak-kneed chicken? I'd back off, and mumble something about birds not having knees.
This is in the preface of The Science of Star Wars, by Jeanne Cavelos: To my husband, who had to pass the Star Wars test on our first date. I'm glad you did.
I have now joined that exclusive club - it has eight members worldwide - of people who have burnt popcorn in a microwave.
Names changed to protect the innocent and ignore the guilty.
Why I drink coffee: So I have to break from work more often - to get to the loo.
In the area where he feels strongest, show him someone better. If possible, someone he he'll never be able to beat, no matter how hard he tries. This makes him ask the question of whether he wants to be good at what he does for the pleasure it gives him or so that he can be the best at something.
Studies have shown that memories of an event are often linked to your mood and environment when you experienced that event. People who are told things when drunk forget them afterwards, and remember them when they're drunk again. I think the same things happens with scientists and mathies when they go into this incredibly focused zen state, when they can understand things that they cant understand when they're normal. One of the greatest challenges is being able to write down what you understand in the zen state so that it's possible to understand it when out of it. Poets can do this to some extent. I think it's easier when you've gone so far into zen that you kinda see above the whole mess and see the dileanations more clearly and can give a bird's eye view of things, rather than a technical description of the woods.
A mathematician is someone who expects things to have a lot of structure for them to be interesting. A scientist is someone who's dealt with nature long enough to be quite cynical about structure. A mathematical scientist tries to find structure in nature.
There is nothing wrong with preaching to the converted when the converted pay you for doing so. (Ask any Hollywood producer.)
My punctuality is well known. When the revolution takes place I will be late and shot as a traitor. When the sun rises, I will not see. I'll regret nothing. It was worth it, going through life without a timepiece did pay off. My reward - to be free and alone." -- Sugarcubes (Bjork's original band), "when the sun rises"
In practice the "impossible" happens with distressing regularity. -- Cay Horstmann on debugging
Picture an organism placed in a centrifuge and rotated till it flies apart. The study of all the properties that still remain is biophysics, the study of all properties that are lost is theoretical biology. -- Jack Cowan, mathematician biologist at the U of Chicago
I wasn?t looking for trouble, but trouble always had a way of finding me. -- Tim Bete, "The Legend of El Caballo". (Alternatively entitled - how a two year old brat fell off his rocking horse)