Welcome, young sir. Sit yourself down.
Speak with the best CF in town.
I grade your tests, I don't harass,
And once a month I go to the class.
Office hours I hold, though they're during tea.
I do just what I'm told, when it's best for me...
 
Masters on the wall, don't know why it's here.
Seems to be a prize for lasting one whole year.
Muddle through a course, wrangle out a P.
Do it eight more times and they can set you free.
Now you're done with meetin' deadlines,
No one treats ya like a kid.
Wish I could remember
Half the mathematics that I did.
 
Masters on the wall, don't know what to do.
I got no direction, now that first year's through.
Going to a talk, skimming through a book.
When I cash a check I feel like I'm a crook.
Fulton looked at my proposal,
Told me what I ought to add.
How it all increases,
All in bits and pieces,
Thesis, makes it hard to be a grad.
 
[Chorus:]
Masters on the wall, isn't much to see.
Doesn't really matter, but at least it's free.
Take it to New York. Wave it in your hand.
Should be worth at least a hundred twenty grand.
If you stay in academics
You'll be here in ninety-eight.
 
I'm packing my valises,
Thesis, it just isn't worth the wait!